More Changes

Yesterday I helped Zach move into his dorm at UCI. It was the weirdest feeling in the world thinking he'd be living there, having his own life completely separate from my own. It was sad in some ways especially as he was saying goodbye to his family, but I'm so happy for him. Finally he can do everything he's ever wanted to and more. He still feels close as if I could almost see him walking on the other side of the trees, but he's on his own path. May it be full of nothing but joy. May all of us in college find what we're looking for.

Great

five days left and things are already changing. it's rather depressing because I really really don't want to argue, seriously it's over and this is the way it will end? separate, cold? cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.

On the Edge

Lately the road of my life has taken many twists and turns. At times I've felt like I'd lost everything including myself and then all of a sudden I'd know that everything would be ok. Now I'm on the edge of something completely new. I'm leaving everthing I know behind. Goodbye childhood, goodbye perhaps the greatest love of my life...I know there's no other road. I'm scared of course and excited too, knowing that nothing will ever be quite the same. I'm not the type to think the grass is greener. I'm going to miss this, all of this, every inch of what my life has been. And dear God, please let some things never change.

A Thought

The heart wants what it wants, and often what it can't have. Confusing.

Hate

I've thought about it long and hard and I can't name one person I actually despise so much I'd like to see them in pain. I feel sorry for some, and dislike others but I can not hate them. How can you hate someone when you can never truly know everthing about someone? Is this strength or weakness on my part?

These Golden Strings

How is it possible to love so many people so much? The capacity for the human heart to love entralls me. You would expect that to love many, the heart would have to divide into so many pieces that it would be pointless, but this isn't so. I find that to every person I love, I am able to give my whole heart and with my heart, an unbreakable, everlasting golden string connecting me to that person for as long as my heart beats. Though tied to others with so many golden strings, I don't feel overwhelmed..only impossibly happy and too content for words.

A New Chapter

My first blog, hmm what to say..there's so much to say. It has been the most eventful two weeks of my life, and not necessarily good. In fact I almost want to say they have also been the worst of my life (too dramatic, I know), so much upheaval, so many doubts, and tears, and crushed hopes. Despite my fears and the emptiness though, there is light. I refuse to despise myself, though every waking moment I wonder what I could have done differently. I thought that someone knew the inner me better than I knew her myself, but I was wrong. No one truly can ever know the secrets that pass behind my eyes .I know I must go on because everthing will fall into place. I need no one to feel complete, I am whole, and sure as I've ever been that life is good. I still believe in love for what is life without it? I have no regrets, disappointment..certainly, but I would not change a moment. My memories are precious. So here I am about to start a new chapter of my life, filled with self-love and strength, I say hello to new opportunities.